You know how when you're a kid you have detailed fantasies about becoming an orphan who is gets adopted by a rich businessman you never have to see who just lets you sit in your opulent room all day eating bonbons and playing with your dog and the only time you ever have to come down is when your new dad's chic secretary takes you to the movies and instead of having to go to school you get discovered by a talent agent who overhears your amazing singing voice and he turns you into a STAR, or did you not see Annie as a kid? My dreams never came true but they did for 13-year-old Celina Smith who knocked it out of the park as the star of last night's production of Annie Live!. I mean, I would obviously have been the better choice, but I'm happy for her. I really am. No really!

The holiday tradition of turning beloved musicals into star-studded Live! events have resulted in some iconic cultural moments. Valentina's vocals in Rent Live? Tattooed on my soul. So Celina had some pretty big stilettos to fill. Here she is singing Tomorrow, a song that has the potential to be so grating that your mom will literally come into your bedroom and take the batteries out of your pastel pink Sharp cassette recorder and tell you to go outside.

ACAB, but especially that one. This child has got nerves of steel -- Facing off against The Man, belting out a song few people can stomach, live in front of millions and playing opposite an adorable shaggy mutt, all while trying to sell unbridled optimism? In this economy? Give Celina her EGOT now. And Celina wasn't the only kid to go hard. Look at these angry little orphans making an absolute meal out of deprivation and want. Oliver's begging little ass could never!

That's right, girls. Take that shit back. We don't need another generation of young folk who think Jay-Z has theater credits.